Friday, March 7, 2008

Andy Warhol's stupid moment.....

I googled "waiting" to try and find an image to describe how I feel always waiting for an answer with these fertility treatments. If you've read my blog you know that this morning was yet another blood draw... this time to see if my HCG is going up or down. Basically to tell me if I have miscarried or if I possibly have a slight chance at an early pregnancy.

What I found when I googled the word "waiting" and selected images was this print by Andy Warhol. I had to post it because as ANY woman (or man) dealing w/infertility will tell you.... the wait does NOT enhance the excitement of the process.

Maybe waiting to buy a car or a new stove or even a pair of shoes would be more exciting with anticipation and waiting..... but not this constant wait of infertility treatments!

"...Oh no, you can't start treatment this month because you have left over follicles, you have to do birth control pills for another month and then try again...."
"...Come back tomorrow, and then the next day, and then the next day and so on... for more ultrasounds and blood work until your follicles are just perfect...."
"...Wait to call until after 2pm to find out results..."
"...Wait 2 weeks after the embryo transfer to have the HCG drawn to see if you're pregnant..."
"...HCG was too low, but still positive so we don't know.... come back in 48 hours to have it redrawn..."
"...Remember to wait until after 2pm to call for results..."

Andy Warhol didn't know SHIT about waiting.

I guess Andy Warhol never really understood waiting like individuals dealing with infertility treatments understand waiting. Guess he just waited for silly things that needed to be made more exciting by the anticipation of the wait.

Waiting for tests day to day and answers and what-if's day to day does not make it "more exciting" just more excruciating.

What the infertility treatment "waiting" does is take away your present. You have a lessened enjoyment of the present as you are always living in the future and what could possibly happen.
So Andy Warhol.... I have to say that on this idea ..... you are completely, 100%, without a doubt WRONG.
I know this sounds angry.... I'm not angry..... just frustrated, tired and emotionally empty. Thanks to all who have posted support on my blog.
I will post later today w/my blood test results.... hopefully I will know by then if i'm pregnant or not. *Of course, the answer will probably be just to wait a little longer and get rechecked :)


Io said...

Yeah, I would definitely prefer having over waiting to have.
Good luck today.

Cece said...

Any new updates? I'm hoping your numbers are still rising!