Coyote Ugly....(and scary).

I haven't been writing because really there's nothing going on to write about. IVF stuff still on hold until Aug/Sept-ish. Work's the same....G's the same....family's the same....everything's the same. Pretty stable. Which is good I guess.

This morning though, we had a pretty scary experience. I got up early this morning (early for me on my day off - late if I was working). Anyhow, I got up and got ready because I wanted to go grocery shopping and get things put away before meeting my friend for lunch. So G works third shift...as I'm going out to let Maggie out to potty, he's outside, just home from work looking at our flowers, garden, etc. So me and Maggie dog go over to the garden with him and are looking around...Maggie is staying close by (she's behaving much better these days...) when we look up and what do we see just about 50 feet or less away standing in our yard and looking right at us/Maggie?????

That's right! A BIG SCARY COYOTE!!!!!!! I about peed my pants thinking he was going to eat Maggie right in front of us. Clearly he must cross through the yard into the field regularly...and he looked as surprised to see us as we were to see him. I looked at Maggie and she had her eyes fixed on him...I was so scared she would take off running at him like she does when she sees squirrels, birds, chipmunks....really anything so far. She has even barked and went towards big deer before. But not this time....I think maybe she recognized the danger...she just stood there and didn't make a peep....it felt like about an hour passed before I got to her (it could only have been a few seconds though, she was just about 6 feet away from me - but time was moving frame by frame...). Anyway, I kept saying in my most calm voice possible, "Maggie, stay, Maggie, stay...." Either that worked, or she knew that the big scary Coyote was not one to mess with, because she never let out a peep and she stood still. His big mangy silver/gray face just stared at us, he had piercing eyes. I scooped her up in my arms and then the Coyote ran towards the woods. He stopped about every hundered feet or so and looked back at us and just stared. I was surprised at how not-scared of us he was....that's pretty scary. I hope I never get any closer to him than that ever.

Good Day, Good Movie, Bad Dog.

It was lovely outside today - so this morning *G and I went outside to put newspapers and straw down on the garden (since everything is sprouted now).

We left Maggie inside because she's such a pain in the butt outside lately - she chases EVERYTHING - it doesn't even have to be alive and she chases it. ~Butterflies, Squirrels, Chimpmunks and Robins are among her favorites...but she will also chase leaves that blow across the lawn and those little white cotton-ish floaties in the air this time of year....The big problem with her is that when she is chasing something - her ears don't seem to function. It's like her little brain is only powerful enough to support one function at a time. Either she listens OR she runs. She can't possibly listen AND run - that would be way too complicated. The front yard is really close to the road and I have a monster of a time trying to keep her safe unless I have her tied up (which we have enough trees - lawn furniture - etc - that she is always getting *stuck* when she's tied up - then she looks at me with that pitiful little mom come help me look and I have to stop what I'm doing and go untangle her - only to have her re-tangled in 1-2 minutes time). So I love her bunches, but I didn't have it in me to deal with her today while putting newspaper and straw on the garden.

So anyway, *G and I rented movies last night. The Pursuit of Happyness and Into the Wild. We haven't watched The Pursuit of Happyness yet but watched Into the Wild last night - I LOVED it. If you haven't seen it, it's definitely worth renting.

I left the case for the rented DVD on the coffee table last night - so this morning - little miss Maggie dog must have been really ticked off that she had to stay inside while we were obviously having SUCH FUN outside in the garden (in the 90 degree heat/humidity and she was in the air-conditioned house) that this is what I found when I came inside.

The DVD case I found on the floor open and upside down like this:

So I picked it up thinking "what in the world????" and THIS is what I found:



That was what was left of the Into the Wild DVD case. (The actual DVD is still in the player unscathed thank goodness).

It's possible that I just may own this movie now... good thing I liked it so much! We'll see after I try and return it - that should be an interesting conversation at Hollywood Video!

Also...the pieces that are missing - are still missing. I only found a couple of minuscule scraps of plastic - I think the actually ate and swallowed the rest of what's missing.

Here's the perpetrator now sitting on her window seat and eyeing up some chipmunks outside - plotting her next escape plan:

You know what though? No matter how much trouble she causes - I still love her with all my heart - I would NEVER want to be without her. She's a rotten dog - but a good friend.

Some of my flowers.

I thought I'd post some pictures from my garden/flower gardens. This really is my spring/summer hobby. I always feel so peaceful and refreshed after being outside in my flower gardens and my garden.

Up close view of my columbine.

Whiskey barrell full of some of my favorite annuals (just planted a few weeks ago though, it should get much bigger).

Up-close with a daylilly in my lilly of the valley flowerbed.

I actually forget the name of this flower, I bought it for the first time this year. (I did catch an ant walking around on it when I was snapping it's picture though - can you see him walking around?).

This is my actual vegetable garden, not much to look at in a picture, I'm excited though because my seeds just started to poke through the ground. I planted green and wax beans, red beets, honeydew, brussels sprouts, sugar snap peas, tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, zuchinni, yellow squash, green bell peppers, orange bell peppers, red bell peppers, red sweet peppers (the long ones - i don't remember their real name). Also some wildflowers for cutting and some sunflowers.

Close up of a neat geranium that I have this year - never had a speckeld one before.

One of my perennials (can't remember the name).

Close up of one of my hanging baskets.

New perennial to my flowers this year - tag said it's a wall flower. (I never knew that was an actual flower - had to buy it just because of the name).

A flower bed in my back yard where I like to sit in the lawn chairs w/Maggie - so quiet and peaceful.

I'll have to post more pictures later in the season when everything is bigger and more bloomed.

More of an infertility type posting...

I know I've been posting a lot lately about non-fertility issues (because I'm just killing time until our next IVF in Aug/September-ish time frame).

But, on a fertility note, I was supposed to be on birth control all summer long (seems pretty silly when you think about giving a couple who can't have babies on their own birth-control....but I understand why he's doing it, to keep the uterine lining down to keep me ready for the next IVF, yada yada yada....). Anyway, I developed pain and warmth in my calf so my family MD wanted to rule out a DVT (blood clot in the deep veins of the leg) as this can be caused by birth control...I do not have a DVT (good) but I do have superficial thrombophlebitis (clots in the little veins near the surface of the leg (not so good).

SO.....now I can never take birth control again. Which is nice as I hate BCP's, but not so nice because now I'm worried about having a big hairy overgrown endometrium when it comes time to implant those little embryos this fall! Hopefully it won't be too junky in there.......I do have to do progesterone vaginal suppositories nightly on days 16-25 of each cycle throughout this summer - hopefully this will accomplish the same thing as the birth control.

the other sucky thing was that this happened on the first week of my pill pack...so when they told me to stop I had just had a period a week and a half-ish before that...well you know what you get when you stop birth control pills? Another period!

(I have such a lucky husband, don't you think? Two periods in a 2 week time period!) Lucky for him I don't get b*tchy, just really really sappy....... :)

On a lighter note...

I'm getting my hair fixed tomorrow. I know Io wanted to see pictures...I just don't know if I can bring myself to post pictures of my halloween witch hair with the skunk stripe up the back. I'll think about it.......

Edit:

OK, twist my arm...I'm brave enough I guess. Here are postings of my horrendus haircolor mishap. (mind you - my hair is usually a light brown/blonde with blonde highlights).


The view of my circus tent type stripes from the right side.

and from the left view....... And don't forget my skunk stripe in the back.........

And finally, the view from the top. Which I have to say is the least offensive vantage point.

If I walked around on my knees all day so people would only be able to look at the top of my head - my hair wouldn't be so bad!

Anyway, going back to grovel to the regular hairstylist tomorrow to get it *fixed* - to grovel and beg :) and promise never to cheat on my hairdresser again.

I did give Miss Maggie-dog a bath though today and her hair looks GREAT! See----

The next picture I can't help but post....I caught her mid-blink but she looks quite disgusted with me - like "mom, stop with the baths and pictures already!"

Thoughts and Prayers....

My thoughts and prayers go out to a fellow Fort Wayne nurse that was killed yesterday morning on her way to work at Parkview Hospital. Kimberly A. Swickard was 40 years old, had two daughters and according to her co-workers was a wonderful nurse and wonderful person. Her car was involved in a hit and run at 3am when she was on her way into work at Parkview where she was a medical telemetry nurse...she later died in the ER at Parkview Hospital from head trauma from the collision. See attached story.

I don't understand how anyone could be involved in an accident and then leave the scene...these slimebags hit her and left her like she was nothing. They ran a flashing red light, hit her car and then fled the scene like a couple of pieces of shit that didn't even flinch or care that they injured (ultimately killed) another human being - whom was on her way to work to care for the sick herself. I can't even wrap my mind around this.

When I used to work in the ER as a nurse, I let a lot of things eat me up. I took a lot of fear home. I was always wondering if something was going to happen, if I'd ever see my loved ones again, if I made sure that all was well before leaving my loved ones because you never know.

I had to leave the ER because of that kind of thinking. It was eating me up inside. The trauma, the loss, the pain that people have to endure. I took care of many, many people who came into the ER not knowing when they got up that morning that that day would be their last day. I cared for them during the dying process which was not the worst part (you'd think that was the worst part, but it was not at all, talking to and seeing the families who's lives had suddenly changed forever was the worst part. The sound that someone makes when they are crying and grieving from the depths of their soul is a sound that haunts me, a sound I will never forget, and and sound that I pray I never have to make again in my life). The patients themselves, who were usually unconscious on arrival (but not always), were not as hard on the heart to take care of. I have been with a lot of people when they have passed on. I am telling you from experience, the exact moment when someone passes is always peaceful. It is always peaceful, even if all the moments leading up to it were anything but peaceful...the last moment always is. You can tell, just by looking at someone, when they are gone - even without looking at any monitors or anything. Their whole body changes the instant that their soul leaves. When someone dies, you can almost see their soul leave (not by seeing their soul per se, but by seeing the absence of their soul. Their body looks like a shell, an empty vessel). I have said many a prayer during the moments that I see this happen, when I see a body change from a person to just a body. I feel as if their soul is in the room, leaving to go to it's next journey, and I have said prayers during that time that their soul makes the transition smoothly and safely to it's next destination. And I swear to you, that I always feel this encompassing warmth in my chest/body when I do that...and I'm sure that it's because I'm feeling the brightness and love that has returned to that person's soul as they move on to the next stage. I feel blessed to have had these experiences as they helped me tremendously in the development of my own spirituality and beliefs.

I had a hard time functioning though while working in the ER. I had a hard time just existing in a "normal" life where people (friends and loved ones) get mad and yell and fight because I would always worry that it would be my last time seeing them and that would be their memories of me. It got to the point that I was experiencing significant anxiety and depression to the point that I was on antidepressants for awhile. That's what full-time in the ER did to me, it made me paranoid and anxious about being alive for the fear of death. Not just the fear of death but the fear of death without everything being 'perfect.' (I do realize that this is irrational, I realize that in the real world people have fights, people get mad, and sometimes that is the last memory but that does not mean that is the only memory. I know that, and I know that the 'last memory' per se is not of the importance that I'm giving it...I'm just lamenting on how twisted the ER made my mind when I spent so many hours there seeing so many unspeakable things).

This story, even though I didn't know Kim well, struck that same chord with me. I have been out of the ER since October 2004 now, but those same feelings are coming back. I can't help but think of how she didn't know when she got up that morning and got ready for work, checked in on her kids, said good-bye to her husband, got in her car to drive to work, that that was it...that was the last time...she didn't know. She didn't know.

Life is so fragile and scary and wonderful and yet we blunder through it like bulls in a china shop not caring who we step on to get what we want. Not caring how reckless we are with each other and our relationships. We take so much for granted every single day. We spend so much time, precious time, worrying about stupid stuff that we won't even remember worrying about in 5 days let alone in 5 years. But still we are willing to speak before we think and hurt others with our sharp tongues...we are willing to give the most of our time and the most of ourselves to the things that don't matter at all in the end. We are willing to sacrifice what is important in the end to what we think is important right now.

I recently read an awesome book called "Suzanne's diary for Nicholas" by James Patterson and in that book one of the main characters Suzanne states a lesson she learned while struggling through balancing a medical practice, and illness and being in love and losing love. She is told that life is like juggling 5 balls, those 5 balls are: work, family, friends, health and integrity. You work hard to keep them in the air at all times, but sometimes you are bound to slip up and let one fall. The work ball is made of rubber and will bounce back, however the balls for health, integrity, friends and family are made of glass and if dropped can scratch, chip or worse, they can shatter and may never be able to be repaired. I found this an enlightening lesson about prioritization regarding what is important in life. If you like to read at all, pick this book up, it's a great, great read. Very moving.

So, I guess you take things year by year, week by week, day by day, hour by hour and probably most importantly, moment by moment. Never look away from an unplanned opportunity to spend time with loved ones, even if it wasn't on your schedule for the day. I think that it's how we spend those little unplanned moments, those precious experiences, that builds our character and our memories and the quality of our lives. My mid-year's resolution (since I don't typically make new-year's resolutions) is to savor the moments in my life and be open to whatever opportunities they may bring, be it big or small. I want to live my life completely, I want to be completely worn-out and used-up when it comes time for my soul to pass on. I want there to be standing room only at my funeral.

So here's a prayer to Kim, that her soul is embraced in peace and love and understanding, and to Kim's family, that their hearts may heal one day from this horrible tragedy and they can remember their wife and mother and daughter in love and happiness and peace. I can tell from the love that surrounds Kim and her family now that her life was a life well-lived, and I bet that there will be standing room only at her funeral.

Peace to all.

Bad Hair.

Lesson learned. Don't switch hairstylists.
(My hair looks like a halloween witch wig...my regular hairstylist will be fixing it this saturday - I'll never cheat on her again).
Lesson learned the hard way.